uraniumnumnum: (i am your future)
ASH ([personal profile] uraniumnumnum) wrote2017-02-21 11:31 pm
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you're a mean one mr grinch

[ he's received far too many presents for his liking this week, between the bookmark and the cookies - it's getting on his nerves a little. Maybe it's a good thing he doesn't know that Xion's to blame for one of those two things; otherwise, he'd probably be looking for her to scold her for wasting time giving him food in addition to just talking with her.

He finds her in the library eventually. His intentions aren't as clear in his mind as he would like, he finds, but he doubts he'll have much longer to loiter around in this town. ]

There you are. You've made yourself considerably scarce, haven't you?
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[personal profile] ceded 2017-02-22 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
... Ash.

[ Xion closes her book around her finger, glancing up at him as she does so. Her expression is pretty much just noncommittal. Mostly, she looks mildly curious as to why he'd seek her out specifically. There you are.

Yes. Here she is. ]

... have I? [ softly. ] I guess I just thought ... maybe I shouldn't try and do so much, this week.
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[personal profile] ceded 2017-02-22 06:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ She considers that for a long moment. ]

I don't regret the things I've done. [ Well, perhaps except for one. ] It's more that ... I keep making people worry, so I thought maybe I should take a break.
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[personal profile] ceded 2017-02-23 09:47 am (UTC)(link)

[ So that's why. Of course Ash, of all people, would want to know. ]

To be honest, [ she murmurs, looking down at the book in her lap, ] I kind of freaked out later that night. The thought of killing a friend... made me feel sick.

[ ... ]

But if everyone really had voted for me, then ... yes. I wasn't going to back out. Felix ... would have been counting on me.

[ She sounds ... very sad.

That night, she'd told her friends she couldn't do it. That there was no way she could ever want to kill a friend.

But wanting to - and needing to - are two different things, and by the morning, she'd resigned herself to the fate she'd created with her own two hands. ]
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[personal profile] ceded 2017-02-24 09:18 pm (UTC)(link)
... you're right, [ she says, with a sudden, brilliant, sad smile. It takes up her whole face, and yet, at the same time, she looks like she wants to cry. ] It has hurt. More than anything. Watching my friends die, and finding out which of them were Bandits and lying to us all along...

[ Xion lifts a hand, pressing it to her cheek and squeezing that eye shut. ]

But I don't think I'd change anything. I mean ... I wouldn't choose not to care. In the first place, I don't know how. But even if I did...

[ Ducks her head. Very softly: ] You can't help but love your friends, can you?

[ With a sigh, she shakes her head. ]

I know you probably think all of this sounds stupid. That's okay. We just don't see it the same way. What I've tried to remember all along is... from the very beginning, we've been forced into this. Most people who chose to kill ... probably felt like they had no choice.

[ Most. Not everyone. Just most. That's probably the biggest concession she's made, given all the independent kills they know of. ]
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[personal profile] ceded 2017-02-26 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
[ ..... ]

I remember what you said to me, after Riku and Annabeth's trial. What does change mean to you, Ash? [ Looking at him thoughtfully, her question quite sincere. ]